Not every divorced or otherwise single person is ready to run to the altar, but they may find that dating sites can offer a chance to find out what they want and don’t want in a relationship. In time, most everyone can find the person of theirs dreams. There are several paid dating sites such as Match.com or eHarmony.com, though PlentyOfFish.com is a free online dating site and is very popular.
Entering the Online Dating Community
A few things to keep in mind is to go into online dating with a level head and absolutely no expectations. Those looking for love shouldn't become obsessed with finding Mr. or Ms. Right and be very careful who they talk to.
Over the course of time there are many things singles can learn about the dating world in general, and especially about online dating. Many people, especially those in midlife, are relatively old-fashioned and trusting, assuming that most people are up front and honest. Rather than being too naïve or too jaded, it’s best to remain cautious since there are many predators and players in the cyber-dating world.
Posting a Dating Profile
When posting a dating profile, always use a current picture. Ideally, it should be a tasteful, full body photo. Avoid the lure of putting up a picture that shows off too much skin. Getting that type of attention may be an ego boost in the beginning, but it won't attract a life partner, simply people looking for a fling. And, yes, there are websites devoted to one-night stands, such as AdultFriendFinder.com and OnlineBootyCall.com.
Singles need to be truthful with their dating profile information and what they’re looking for in a potential partner, but avoid writing a book. Leave some mystery in the equation. Also, don't share any personal information since that would lure a stalker.
In the beginning most people tend to feel like a kid in a candy store, or perhaps are overwhelmed by all of the attention. It fades quickly though, and that’s a good thing. This will help to weed out the people who are just chronic daters from the ones who are truly looking for love.
It's also beneficial to make a list of questions to ask a potential date. This can help uncover many of the men and women who aren’t honest or who don’t share many of the same values and goals.
Meeting for an Offline Date
Once someone piques their interest and the feeling seems mutual, several emails should be shared before moving on to phone calls. This could mean a matter of a few weeks to a month or more. Never rush into anything since it can give the other person the wrong impression. Nobody wants to end up looking desperate, easy, or clingy. Besides, when looking for true love, don't waste time just dating anyone and everyone.
If the phone conversations go along well, meet for coffee. This is something noncommittal and won’t give him or her the impression that it's anything more than to meet each other and see where things go from here. It’s never a good idea to go to a bar or club and have drinks together in the beginning. Alcohol can lower a person's standards and possibly put them in a position they’ll regret come morning.
Meeting the person face to face will say a lot. Did they really post a recent photo? What kind of energy do they give off? Do they seem to take care of their health and appearance? Does he/she seem anxious, eager, relaxed, complimentary, or simply self-centered?
For those who are in the dating world, they shouldn't be afraid to make a mental list of what they do and don’t like about the person. After all, chances are most daters have been married or in a long-term relationship before and don’t want to rush into anything. It’s better to be alone for the right reasons than to be with someone for the wrong reasons.
Make the date brief, no more than an hour or so, and go Dutch. No matter how much someone wants love, it's important to be honest and see how the other person measures up to their vision of who they truly want to spend the rest of their life with. Nobody should shy away from letting the person know if they’d rather not meet up again, just move on until things click with someone on an emotional, mental, and physical level.
Finding Love Takes Time
Finding true love online may be a long, slow learning process, but it will be a growth experience as well. Singles can learn how to choose a partner who complements them well rather than just going out with someone because they think they’re attractive and out of loneliness.
So, is online dating a good way to find Mr. or Ms. Right? Yes and no. Online daters need to be very careful, not rush into anything, and create a set of rules to live by and questions to ask potential dates. There are so many good people in the world looking for true love, don’t settle for the first person who comes along if they aren’t a good match.
Resources:
Online Dating Tips and Advice (accessed May 16, 2010).
Love Lexicon. Online Dating Advice (accessed May 16, 2010).
Kelly Wallace - Kelly is a seasoned freelance writer, multi-published author, radio show host, teacher, speaker and highly acclaimed intuitive ...
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